Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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