I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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