failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
