next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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