Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
