just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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