I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
