Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
