it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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