I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
