If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
