my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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