I could make wine with my vomit
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she pinky promised me she was 18
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
