I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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