We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
