Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
