I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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