Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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