Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
