How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
