explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
