I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
