Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
