Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
