Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Too much gin, very little bucket
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
