Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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