her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
