girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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