Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I had to cum in my sink.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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