Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
