i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
