i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
