I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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