Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
