Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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