Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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