I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
