I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
