Nicole vs. Life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
