What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
