Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
