just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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