I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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