home. puking in laundry basket.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
