yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
