I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
