I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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