How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
