If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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