I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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