You really coming over, don't trick.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
