Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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