My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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