I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You need Xanax blowdarts
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
