He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
