the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
