I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
