I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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