ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
