Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
