so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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