someone threw a dead crab at me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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