Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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