the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
