it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
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