Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
