you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
