fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I will die if light touches me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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