The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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