So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
