Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
