Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
